Saturday, January 30, 2010

Thorn and Birch

I went a couple of days without eating or sleeping because I had been unable to acquire the flowers of female Cannabis sativa. Since last night, I'm smoking the best "Romulan" I've had in years!

Most of my dreams have been forgotten but I remember this one. I was walking in the forest with my friends Brad and Scott, when we came to an almost horizontal tree. It was at just the right angle to form a trail into the Sky, and traveling this way was apparently the plan. It was terribly difficult to balance, even with a hiking staff, so I got down and refused to go up. We argued.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

nightmares and divination

I slept all day, which isn't out of the ordinary. The nightmares I had were horrifying... I awoke (or so I thought) to the sound of my mother talking with her mother. I walked passed the stairs and saw her, wearing a green flowery nightgown, most of the way up the staircase, but didn't see her face. I went into the washroom, felt the need to wash my hands far too many times, then went upstairs. The hallway light no longer on and I found Mom in my sister's old room at the computer. "Where did Grandma go?" I asked.

Mom paused looking at me and then said, "She died."

"I just saw you talking with her ten minutes ago!" The light came on near the beds and I saw someone laying face down under the sheets. I turned her over, barely still warm, her face distorted. "Why didn't you wake me when she came over to visit?"

I went downstairs and my sister was at her laptop and watching television, but there was a strange symbol on the screen like a stylized damaged trident facing downward, with a moving green background. It was noisy yet I couldn't make out the sounds. I told her what happened and Lyn pressed the power button on the TV, stopping for a moment in confusion because it didn't shut off, then ran upstairs. I tried to shut it off, then reached behind to unplug it and woke screaming.

I later dreamt I was carrying a box with a cat in it, the body of Cutie, whom my sister's awful dogs killed this Halloween. There were tiny insects and worms all over her. I was looking for my mom, and awoke calling to her. I said "I couldn't find you!" and went back to sleep, telling her later of the nightmare.

I offered part of an apple revealing a pentagram inside for the spirits and Ing, as well as coffee, cannabis smoke... I had received Ingwaz in my runecasting tonight. Mom got Gebo. Both runes were face down, but not bad staves to get under any circumstance. See the Runecaster's Handbook by Edred Thorsson for interpretations!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Witches are frugal!

I bought three tall white jar candles and a little one, plus six pineapple scented votives, all made in America! That added up to a little over ten bucks, which isn't so bad. I was able to purchase a twenty-eight cent carrot, five criminis for a just over a dollar and a pound of barley, which suddenly went up to $1.15! "Safeway" my ass! I found ten cents in the dryer, leaving me with a total of one quarter and two dimes! That's how witches spend money, fucking frugal.

Curses! I'm out of candles...

Sitting in front of the hearth sipping coffee, smoking hemp, burning sandalwood incense, I notice the candles are nearly burnt out! I need three white pillars for the fireplace, one red taper for ritual, and some votive candles or tea lights for the protective spirit. I'm almost out of cannabis as well, which is a terrible dilemma!

I've $13.40 for mushrooms, carrots, barley et cetera...

murk Isa

"Transitions bode dangers, though the dangers may be hidden by beauty. Your will may be weakened; or, you may be controlled by others, by outside forces." (Runecaster's Handbook by Edred Thorsson) "This rune may indicate a time to pull back into the self without separating from the world."

Sunday, January 17, 2010

"That way doesn't go anywhere!"

I had a dream I accidently drank cow's milk instead of almond. Gross! I also dreamt I was hiking and climbing up a mountain, having difficulty. It was getting too high and steep, but I turned around after a man and woman came down from there and said "That way doesn't go anywhere!" Many of my dreams were about military conflicts and I found myself in the house avoiding fully automatic fire from unknown aggressors.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

thirteen mushroom stew

I started with Streit's barley mushroom soup mix... added extra barley and split peas, plus thirteen criminis ("baby bella" mushrooms) sliced thin and a dash of seasalt. Just a little carrot juice was added to enhance the broth. This is for Waxing Moon Circle tonight, a little bit of lunar magic in every spoonful! It's really more of a stew than a soup... hearty and heathen, yet vegan and kosher!

Friday, January 15, 2010

murk Tiwaz

My condition has greatly improved with proper witch's medicines, currently experiencing insomnia which is normal. The headaches have declined sharply and the spinal pain has been alleviated enough that I could water the garden and silently meditate in front of the hearth. Hail Goddess Ganja!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

ignoring flame wars

I think I've initiated a flame war, so I've decided not to read the many responses to my comments under a "Barak Obama" poll on facebook. (Someone must have thought it funny to spell "Barack" wrong!) While I enjoy ripping apart Republicans on the Internet, I've got a feeling I don't want to subject myself to the chaos that has erupted. I'll just let it sort itself out, nothing to worry about if I choose not to worry.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I've succumb to hemicrania!

A fake billion dollar bill was burnt in ritual this morning. The rune of the Birch Goddess was drawn from my lot bag later on, face up, indicating "beauty and prosperity" among other things. A migraine is setting in, due to stress caused by the fairer sex and a complete lack of female hemp flowers.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

my sister and my self-destruction

Yesterday I dreamt my sister was here and we were getting along well. She seemed happy and in the dream I wasn't angry with her. I haven't had any cannabis and so last night I had PTSD flashbacks and (due to the Paxil I was on long ago) injured my head. I've a terrible headache now and my untreated spinal condition has been flaring up. I managed to sleep last night and dreamt my sister and her fiancé were here, in the house, and I was ignoring both of them. I'd told my mother yesterday how angry I am at Joe, and while this is Lyn's childhood home, I want neither the dogs nor Joe in my home again.

I'm quite sure I won't be going to their wedding in late August, as my sister hasn't said or done anything to make up for making me feel worthless this Yule. They're both morons, murdered one of my patio cats (Cutie) on Halloween. Joe's an asshole on top of that and there are things he's done to my sister I won't forgive him for: buying her MDMA prior to her psychotic break a couple years ago and leaving a bruise on her arm. He also said when Mulder and Tres killed Cutie that he'd kill his own son. I told him I'd kill him and he arrogantly declared he'd defend himself. I tried to accept Joe as a member of our family, but that was because I care about my sister.

She hates me just for being sick, so it's a lost cause. I won't forgive either of them for murdering Cutie, nor will I forgive my sister for calling me a "parasite" before Yule and leaving me all alone Christmas Eve and the morning of. I've no moral support aside from friends, my mom and my cats. Friends are exhausting and I don't think I can continue my meetup groups while suffering such agony, unable to buy medicine, wishing I were dead. I don't know what deity to appeal to for this sort of help.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Waxing Moon Circle

Although my witchcraft experience extends back to 1999, I've only yesterday begun my Wicca 101 course. This is my new journal for spells, dreams and visions! Freyja is telling me to take this very seriously...